Please. Please. Please. Send Me Envelopes!

If you’ve been with me for a few years, you know I’m in good company on Thursdays. Check out this fantastic group of ladies,  giving insight on various topics.  Click on:

Froggie (Tracey): One frog’s distinct voice on the world around her.

Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.

Darwin Shrugged (Denise): Civilized Observations in an Uncivilized World

For this week, Denise asked us to write an open letter to someone or something, which fit perfectly with a beef I’ve got against my financial institution, Centris Federal Credit Union.

Overall, I haven’t had many issues with Centris.  I opened an account with them over a decade ago, and for most of our banking relationship, it’s been smooth sailing.

Then I moved to Arizona.

It’s hard to have a financial institution outside of the state you live in. The move here had been riddled with kinks. A check that wouldn’t clear because Centris put a hold on it, thus putting a hold on our entire account. Money wasn’t coming out, or going in. Long wait times, when calling customer service.

The kinks were smoothed out, given some time. The months have passed by, uneventful.

Then, I ran out of envelopes.

Centris has postage-paid envelopes, for mailing deposits. The main branch address is listed right on the front of the envelope, too. I was given a handful when I’d gone in to change my address, the teller giving me her word that banking out of state with Centris wouldn’t be an issue. Plenty of other members do it. And, here you go! A fistful of envelopes, just for you.

I’ve contacted Centris four times, asking for more envelopes. Maybe this is a cheap move on my part, but my husband occasionally consults for a prior employer of his, and they always pay in the form of a check. Or, we’ll accumulate random checks for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I don’t want to use a stamp that will cost me nearly fifty cents every time I have checks to send. I don’t want to use my own flimsy envelopes. I want to use the ones specifically created for this very purpose, from my bank. Postage paid.

The few times we attempted to use the remote deposit capture app through Centris (where you take a photo of the check, and it magically deposits into your account), the app has never worked for us. Not once. There’s no way my prehistoric phone circa 2009 could do the job, but my husband’s super fast, super Smart phone couldn’t even break the code. It won’t work.

Every time I call and speak with a Centris representative, I’m told that someone will put envelopes in the mail for me. Every single time. And every single time, this simple task never comes to fruition. Weeks will go by before I contact Centris, again, requesting the envelopes. I’ve asked politely. I’ve been firm. I’ve been forceful. I’ve replayed my sob story and indicated on more than once occasion that even though I’m promised envelopes, they never get to me. Still, nothing.

If I currently lived in the Omaha area, I’d walk right into the lobby of the bank, grab a handful of those precious envelopes (I know exactly where they are), and leave. But I don’t have that luxury. I’ve thought about asking a friend to do it for me. A recon trip, yet I feel guilty, because no one should have to take time out of their busy lives to run an errand for me, when it’s super easy for the person (or persons, maybe this will become the next “how many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb” joke, but in my case, it’s “how many Centris employees does it take to mail envelopes to a valued, long-term, good standing member) to throw the envelopes into a slightly  larger envelope, and mail them to me!

I’m giving it until Monday, Centris. Monday. Then, expect a phone call from me, yet again. This will be my fifth time contacting you. I’m a glass is half full kind of gal, and I’m holding out hope that Monday will be my lucky day, that you’ll come through for me. Please. Pretty please? With sugar on top?

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