The Things I Would Have Never Imagined…

If you’ve been with me for a few years, you know I’m in good company on Thursdays. Check out this fantastic group of ladies,  giving insight on various topics.  After reading my post, click on:

Froggie (Tracey): One frog’s distinct voice on the world around her.

Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.

Darwin Shrugged (Denise): Civilized Observations in an Uncivilized World

Tracey often chooses thought-provoking topics, and this week is no exception. I would have never imagined…

I was trying hard to narrow my list down to one, single, solitary thing. Only, I couldn’t do it. There are too many events, circumstances, life experiences- so, here’s a top ten list of the things that blow my mind on a near-daily basis. In no particular order:

My kids growing up so quickly. Whenever I receive a gigantic box from FedEx, the one my sister has so carefully packed up and shipped to me with loving care, I know I’m in for a nostalgic experience. We’ve been clothes-swapping for years. When my big guy outgrows something, I ship it to my sister. My nephew will wear it, and then she’ll send it back to me when he’s outgrown the item, so the little guy gets some use out of it. I received a box yesterday. Inside were long-sleeved shirts, pajamas. The stuff my big guy was wearing for what feels like just the other day, only, I know it’s not the case. Where did the time go? I remember bringing the little guy home from the hospital. He’ll be five next month. People have told me how quickly the time goes, but I didn’t believe them. I remind myself to enjoy my children. Even when it feels like the most difficult task in the world with a brooding ten year old, and a soon-to-be five year old who insists on doing everything you tell him not to. Enjoy them.

 

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Moving back to Arizona. It used to be this dream of ours, a carrot dangled precariously in front of us, never really attainable. Something we’d thought about, entertained, attempted to do, only to have our dreams fall flat a mere few years ago. And here we are. We’re in a state of transition, still, but it’s getting easier. I think we’re all appreciating this move in various ways.

How much losing a loved one can hurt. I’ve been fairly lucky. For most of my life, I never experienced the tragedy of losing someone close to me. Unfortunately, I was ill-prepared. I’d say I’m awkward and a bit of an idiot, concerning death. I didn’t know how to comfort others who were dealing with the loss of a loved one, because I had no idea how it felt, what it was like. Getting emotional, that’s never been easy for me. When one of my best friends passed away a few years ago, it stripped me down to the bare bones of who I am, right to my soul. I think it’s changed me, my perspective on life and how I view the world. Just the other day, I needed advice on something, and I know she would have been the perfect person to ask. It still hurts.

I’d be a runner. I remember a time where I’d scoff at runners, sweating their asses off. Now I’m the one getting the occasional looks. And now when I see someone running, I give them a silent prayer of encouragement. And appreciation.

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I’d feel more introverted. I think in some ways I’ve always been a closeted borderline introvert, never knowing it. I can spend hours on my own, relishing in it. I just want to be by myself. I don’t need to have others around me. I spend less time with other grown-ups and more time with my children, my husband. The circle of friends has dwindled significantly over the years. I appreciate that. I feel as though those friendships are the ones that will last a lifetime.

I’d enjoy drinking tea. Yeah, I do. I still hate coffee, though.

I’d care less about the little things. What’s the point? Life is too short. I’ve had to let go of a lot of the little things that used to irk and irritate me. Or, trying to hold myself up to some ridiculous standard that no one else cares about, anyway.

I’d enjoy health shakes. It helps that my husband works for a health supplement organization. He’s managed to bring home samples, and now I’m hooked. The thought of drinking  strange concoctions scared me for years. Now, I like them. A lot, and often drink one after a good workout in the morning.  I won’t go so far as to say I’m a huge health nut now, or anything. I do like my shakes, though.

I’d gain more of a voice the older I get. My friend, the one who passed away, I always envied her strong voice. She had opinions, she didn’t care what anyone thought about them. She told me how afraid she was to speak her mind, to do her own thing in her younger years. She said, “We’re a lot alike.” I couldn’t see it then, but I see it now. Maybe that’s something a lot of us go through. The older we get, the more vocal we become.

That I’d be married to my husband. Even now, we’ll look at each other and say, “Am I really married to you?” We’ve known each other for so long, and back in the day there would have been no way, not in a million years that the two of us would ever be together, and certainly  not married! Sometimes, he’ll call me “Cover”, my maiden name, the name he remembers me by when we used to work together all those years ago. It’s funny how life turns out, when you least expect it.

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