Can I Help You?

Hello Thursday! Meet my blog group, comprised of a fantastic group of ladies  who will dazzle you with insight on various topics.  After reading my post, check out their blogs as well. Just click on:

Froggie (Tracey): One frog’s distinct voice on the world around her.

Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.

Darwin Shrugged (Denise): Civilized Observations in an Uncivilized World

For this week, Denise chose: Asking for help.

I’m no good when it comes to needing help. I don’t mind lending a hand and I’m usually one of the first ones to ask if a friend or loved one needs assistance, but I don’t do well when the shoe’s on the other foot. I’ve been this way since childhood. I’d rather suffer in silence and I’m not entirely sure why.

Maybe it has something to do with vulnerability. Asking for help means letting your guard down, letting someone see you in a weak moment. I wish I could be that sort of person. The one who has no trouble showcasing her softer side.

I used to own a Chevy Blazer. The word “lemon” comes to mind when I conjure up images of this thing. There were a few redeeming qualities. My first-born was driven home from the hospital in the Blazer. It kept us safe in the winters with it’s 4×4 capabilities and felt solid. It looked durable on the outside yet had a lot of mechanical issues. Those issues cropped up shortly after the ex and I had divorced. I didn’t have a lot of money. I had a little something set aside in savings, but it was all on me with a toddler to support. Every time the Blazer broke down, I saw the money dwindle. The fuel pump. An air compressor. Cracks in this, leaks in that.  I couldn’t afford to purchase a new vehicle but I wasn’t able to keep up with the maintenance. When the auto mechanic called and gave me the latest $400 estimate, I nearly broke down.


I didn’t have it.

Money is a tricky thing, and I was raised old-school. You never borrow money. It leads to discord and chaos, especially between family. And you never lend it, either. It’s considered a gift when you give someone money and you should never expect a return on a gift.

I couldn’t bring myself to ask my family for help. I didn’t want to bother my friends, either. I couldn’t ask my employer for an early paycheck. The ex? No way.

With shaky hands, I dialed my boyfriend’s number and waited. When he answered, I started to cry. I’m not a big crier. In fact, he says he’s seen me cry only a handful of times since we’ve known each other, and we’ve known each other for over a decade! There I was, crying. I felt ashamed and nervous. Scared. I literally felt fear. I calmed down enough to explain the situation. He’d witnessed the issues I’d had with the Blazer. He knew how often that piece of crap had been in and out of the auto mechanic. When I got to the part where I asked to borrow money from him, my throat became constricted. I didn’t even want to do it, but I had no other option.

I remember how sweet he had been with me. He calmed me down and told me how good it made him feel, knowing I’d reached out and asked him for help. I could have asked anyone, but I chose him. He said he understood how hard it was for me to be in the situation I’d found myself in, and he didn’t judge me for it or think ill of me. There was no expectation from him, even though I repeatedly offered to pay him back. None of that mattered to him. It’s one of the many, many reasons I married him the following year. Aside from how great my husband is, he never makes me feel like a terrible person for needing assistance.

When I ask for it, that is. I’m still tough on myself and figure I can do things on my own the majority of the time, but I’ve loosened up (somewhat). It can be a real detriment. I am very understanding when others need assistance, so why can’t I be that understanding when *I* need it? I mean, let’s face it. We all need help from time to time, and it’s okay to ask for it!





2 thoughts on “Can I Help You?”

  1. I enjoyed reading your post. I think we are similar in more ways than I even imagined. That’s sweet of your husband to help with the car situation.

  2. Isn’t that something? The topic? Asking for help?  I totally switched the way I was looking at it, for me it was my ego, and ego is useless when you have declared war, I’ve understood in order to beat this I have to utilize every single thing in my arsenal I have and that includes asking for help when I need it.  I did something completely out of character and asked you to come spend time with me, asking you for help, and you did indeed help me!  I am fighting for MY LIFE and my life and spirit is worth every bit.

    Did you think of how I asked for your help on Sunday when writing this? It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help like I too, earlier thought about it, it’s wisdom and strength to utilize all of your resources.  I know if you called me in that condition, I’d drop everything in a second.  I would know you really needed me.  And no matter what, know you can always call me if you ever need me, I’m there.  And I know if you are even asking, you are not fucking around.

    I am glad I asked for your help.  It’s okay to be weak and vulnerable, we all get that way sometimes, and suffering in silence isn’t productive and nothing good comes from it, when you know in your heart you have been blessed with friends (you) who will be there in a second.  It’s utilizing your resources.  And so much good came from seeing you and asking for help.  It’s not weakness, it’s wisdom.  You know anytime Im there for you true and true.

    Thank you for being there for me.  You helped me so much, so very much.  It was fun dancing with you!!! 🙂 

    I love my Sweet Beautiful Sara, my natural beauty from Oregon. My soul sister.  

    I have to take my Eastern protocol of herbs and supplements, this world survived thousands of years without the CDC and the FDA, he wants to build me up, my body is severely broken down and makes sense.  He’s awesome and really digs me, and he gave me my first supplements for free and told me he’d work with me.  

    Love you,

    J Dawg

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