I Don’t Know What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

Hello Thursday! Meet my blog group, comprised of a fantastic group of ladies  who will dazzle you with insight on various topics.  After reading my post, check out their blogs as well. Just click on:

Froggie (Tracey): One frog’s distinct voice on the world around her.

Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.

Darwin Shrugged (Denise): Civilized Observations in an Uncivilized World

For this week, Tracey chose: Write about something no one would ever guess about you.

People have this “put together” impression of me. I live by my planner, and I schedule everything months in advance. I follow training schedules and I look as though I’ve got it all figured out.

That’s not entirely true.

Planners and to-do lists give me the sense of accomplishment and control. In reality, I feel lost and have no clue.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life, or the direction on which to steer it.

Hey, there are certainties. I knew at a young age that I wanted to be a mother someday. I’d have two children, boy and girl. One named Michael, the other Michelle. (Give me a break, I was only eight at the time when I picked out those generic names). I went through various phases as most adolescents do. I planned on being an actress, a singer, a dancer, a teacher. A writer. I never had a solid career in mind, though. I was never “career-oriented”. We were given aptitude tests in high school, determining the best careers individually and I never took it seriously.  I brushed it off and figured I’d let the universe decide for me.

These two seem to know what they want to do. They call this their "electronic center", and wanted me to pay "money" to use their electronics.
These two seem to know what they want to do. They call this their “electronic center”, and wanted me to pay “money” to use their electronics.

This year, I’ll be 36. I’m a happily married mother of two boys (sorry, Michelle) and yes, I’ll always be a parent. I’ll always strive to be a good mother for my boys and I want marital bliss with my husband, but I still have no clue as to what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve enjoyed the various jobs I’ve held in my life. Most have been in an office environment, and I did really well. I thought my property management stint would only last a couple of years before I found my “real” job, yet I did that for over a decade! I’ve had some unlucky breaks as well, and just when I thought I’d found the career of a lifetime, it was completely the opposite.

Overall, my experiences in the work place have been fun and brought fulfillment, but most I never viewed as a life-long career. They were the stepping stones that would lead me to my career, and it hasn’t happened.

I’m really feeling the indecision. My youngest is starting preschool this year. That’s a few hours here and there in the week, but in another two years he’ll be in school full-time. What then? I’m a doer. I won’t be able to stay home and find nearly enough to sustain me. I have a nice balance right now between my home and my family, but when everyone is either at work or in school for 7+ hours in the day, what will I do with myself?

This has parlayed into my current frame of mind. I’ve been trying new things and discovering uncharted territory when it comes to who I am, and what I want in life. Maybe these new influences will open up new doors, or maybe it’s another way to bide my time. I’m trying not to dwell on what I don’t know, and focus on what I do know. I know I’m enjoying the time I get with my children. I plan on working in the yard this year with my husband, and we’re doing some major renovations. I’ve never done anything like this before, or even had a garden for that matter! I’m really excited, and I’m interested in seeing what I’ll learn about myself through gardening. There are a few areas in my home that needs tending. It’s about time I removed that terrible fruit border in the kitchen, and replaced it with something I actually like. The yoga competition at the end of the year- I can already see the difference in how I feel, mentally as well as physically. It’s through my yoga practice that I’ve learned to slow down, take deep breaths, and relax.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
A definite work in progress

Maybe knowing what you want to be when you grow up is more a state a mind, anyway.

I’d love to hear your views: Have you always known what you wanted to be when you grew up? Or, are you still searching, too?

 

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4 thoughts on “I Don’t Know What I Want To Be When I Grow Up”

  1. I had different ideas in mind as I was growing up and that kept changing over time. It’s not even like I’m doing what I studied in college either. Great post!

  2. I am kind if exactly where you are when it comes to that. I mean, I have the clothing inline store nth as of right now that’s just a hobby. With no real money to invest in it, it’s just something really fun that I enjoy doing.
    And with us being in the military and having a move in the near future, makes it even harder to make plans. But it would be super cool to have Brunella’s Boutique Store Front wherever we may settle down some day. ;).

    1. I think that’s a great goal to have, Bu! And it’s something you really enjoy and are passionate about, even better! I just need to find my own little niche, I guess.

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