My husband had friends over last weekend, and one in particular (we’ll call him Snarky) seemed a little on edge. Snarky is anti-social by nature. He reminds me of the Monk. So, when my freshly bathed preschooler ran up to Snarky for a bedtime hug (my preschooler does not discriminate), Snarky refused. He went so far as to cross his arms over his chest, as a means of prevention and protection.
“Kids are germy and gross.” Which yeah, they can be, but come on.
The rest of the crew booed and hissed at Snarky. “Man, that’s cold.”
I chimed in with: “You’re like the Grinch, but in reverse. Your heart just shrunk 4 sizes!”
“Oh, all right…” Snarky relented, and opened his arms a tiny bit, letting my kid give him a hug, but it was one of those awkward pats, you know what I’m talking about… the kind you give someone when you really don’t want to touch them but feel forced to. You pat them on the back a few times for good measure, and then feel the need to shower.
Five minutes later, Snarky was petting my dog, Duke. He had no reservations, but I did. Here were my thoughts while watching the scene in front of me, and what I should have said to him, but didn’t. I was worried he’d go into shock.
Duke is a great dog, but he’s a dog. If you only knew the effort he puts into licking his balls, or his butt hole. Not to mention the times he’s devoured his own puke, or someone else’s, if given half the chance. Once, I caught him eating my cat’s poop from the litter box, clay pellets and all. Lately, he follows me into my son’s room, just hoping for a chance that while I’m cleaning the guinea pig’s cage, turds will fall out onto the floor. He eats them up like candy. I’ve seen this happen on more than one occasion. I can’t remember the last time Duke had a bath. I know, that’s terrible, but I’m only being honest with you. I think it was this month. Maybe last month. You might want to wash your hands. Twice. And for good measure, follow up with a healthy dose of hand sanitizer. Wait… I think I see a guinea pig turd hanging out of his mouth, let me grab a kleenex….”
For today’s workout, I started with an 8 minute ab routine through Fitness Blender, and it was a good one! Finished up with a run on the dreadmill, 5 miles.