Stick A Fork In Me. I’m DONE.

I’ve gained 7 lbs. in 4 days. How did I do it? Let me count the ways:

Friday: Shari’s breakfast. I tried to be healthy, but when you top off your breakfast with a slice of peach pie, you know you’re in trouble. Top that off with Applebees for dinner. My sister was astonished at the way I could pack it all in. Granted, I hadn’t eaten since Shari’s, but I literally had 3 plates in front of me. One contained a cheese quesadilla. The other had my entrรฉe, which was some chicken and vegetable concoction (I told myself the veggies made it healthy). My sister and I were sharing a spinach and artichoke dip appetizer. Yes, this was on top of my cheese quesadilla appetizer. Don’t judge me. When a friend’s son offered up his fish and chips, I made sure to try some. Someone had to roll me out of Applebees.

Saturday: Grandma insisted on taking me out for breakfast, and guess where? Yep, you guessed it. Shari’s. I told myself I’d eat light, so I had two eggs, a toasted English muffin with boysenberry jam, and a cup of fruit. That wasn’t so bad- topped off with hot cocoa. I don’t think I ate again until my friend’s wedding, which boasted sandwiches, pita bread, a multitude of pasta salads, fruit, beans, and there were other things, but I can’t recall what they were; I was stuffing my face with the other stuff. Apparently this wasn’t enough for me, because I decided on a second dinner when I went out for drinks after the wedding. I shared some sweet potato fries and I bought an apple salad drizzled in some strange foreign sauce (again, apples. This = healthy). There were a few drinks sprinkled in there, somewhere.

Sunday: Grandma went all out on breakfast for the two of us. I had 2 eggs, 3 slices of healthy bread (but smothered in butter and more of that delectable boysenberry jam), fruit, and at least 7 slices of bacon. I could feel my arteries clogging, but it didn’t stop me. Grandma and I managed to devour nearly a pound of bacon between the two of us. Not my finest moment. About an hour later, I was sitting at my best friend’s house, sharing a plate of nachos covered in cheese and meat. Followed by m&m’s, and some red vines. She offered me soda (which I never drink) but I said, “Sure. How about a can of cherry Coke?” Grandma and I had some ranch and bacon pizza from Garlic Jim’s for dinner, but I only had 2 slices, and combined it with some carrots and broccoli. Don’t ask me if I dipped those in ranch or not. Please don’t.

Monday: I tried to start it out right. I had greek yogurt, and a banana. I told myself I had to get back on track. I was starting to feel like a stuffed pig, a gassy stuffed pig. Sounds were coming out of me that had been buried deep inside for so long. Then Grandma and my Aunt wanted to have Mexican for lunch, so we went to some little hole in the wall, and I had fish tacos with beans and rice. This carried me all the way home, until I arrived in Omaha around midnight, hungry. I topped off the night with some tortellini soup and a slice of cake. I have yet to eat breakfast this morning. I don’t think I could handle it right now.

I may have had more to eat, but I can’t remember. Or I blocked it all out. Yes, that’s my story. And no exercise, other than a 3 mile run on Saturday.

So, here’s the deal. My family and friends don’t eat like this on a daily basis, or anything. They wanted to do something nice for me, and feed me. This is how they take care of me when I’m in town, and while I appreciate it, I always end up a mess. I have no self-control. I take the “I’m on vacation” vibe and really go all out. If I moved back to Oregon, I don’t know what I’d do. I’d probably end up like this:

I have to admit, though… man, I had FUN.

Am I making you hungry?

What do you enjoy eating while on vacation? Fess up!

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7 thoughts on “Stick A Fork In Me. I’m DONE.”

  1. Thanks for the chuckle, I’ve had this happen on vacations but as soon as I get home I end up eating pretty much nothing because I’m so busy, I think my family thinks they need to fatten me up every time I see them =)

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