I have joined a fantastic group of ladies, who are involved in a weekly blog project. Every Thursday, we will dazzle you with our insight on various topics. And each week, we take turns coming up with the idea for the blog topic. Please check out their blogs as well, listed under my Blogroll section. Just click on:
Froggie (Tracey): One frog’s distinct voice on the world around her.
Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.
Mom Of Many (Susanna): One Mom’s perspective on life, raising kids, knitting and other unrelated topics.
This week, it was my turn up to bat, and my choice was: We’ve all heard the old adage, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” How, and in what areas, do you feel men and women differ?
When my son Ben was born, I was a nervous wreck. I was always comparing him to other babies. Most of this stemmed from the fact that I have a younger brother with autism, and I know it can be genetic. Autism is also 4 times more likely to occur in boys than in girls, and I would keep track of his progress and make sure he was hitting all the milestones when he should have been.
One of those milestones revolved around speaking. Friends of mine had babies 4-6 months older than my son, and they were chatty. Like, a lot. Always talking. Stringing three word sentences together. Ben was still on the basics, like “Moma” and “Dada”. He’d point at something and say, “What’s that?” But it sounded more like, “Wazah?” I was concerned at first, but I noticed a big trend. It was the FEMALE babies, not the male babies that were making leaps and bounds into conversation. And reading online, I discovered that this holds true in most cases. Girls are just wired for talking, which is why we talk so much. Men, not so much. It’s not that they can’t, or that they won’t. They just don’t have as much to say about a subject as we do. They accomplish it in 2-3 sentences, whereas it takes us many more. Hence, my obscenely long blog posts.
Also, I think when men do speak, they say what they mean. Even when us ladies hate what they’ve said, or claim to “not get it”. Women tend to sugar coat a lot more than a man will, unless he’s been trained to sugar coat. A man who has often been asked, “Do I look fat in this outfit?” will quickly learn the wrath he will receive, should he answer that statement honestly.
Most men tend to be less emotional than their female counterparts. This might be due to society putting pressure on a man to toughen up, to “be a man”. Or, because men have more testosterone, females more estrogen. I feel there are definite exceptions though, and I am one of them. I have a hard time crying or showing my emotions around people, especially those I don’t know. Yet, I know men who are very emotional and get teary-eyed or even cry in certain situations. A sappy movie gets them every time. In my humble opinion, this shows strength, not weakness.
I know from having my two sons (and both boys have different fathers, so I have two examples) that men are different than women when it comes to parenting. Men bond by playing and wrestling around. Women are more nurturing. We tend to hug and kiss more, cuddle. If there is no cuddling allowed (like in the case with Ben, who will be 7 next month and does not want mommy kisses in public) then we show our love by tending to them. Cooking meals. Doing their laundry. Assisting them. Whatever they will allow us to do, which makes us feel as though we are taking care of them. Men feel better as providers, and this holds true for men who are stay at home dads, and mothers who go off to work. The men are still providing for their children, and don’t need to kiss their children to death to show that or prove it. Dads will sit there and let their kids run around the playground, watching from the bench, while the moms are nervous wrecks, wanting to be right there to make sure no accidents happen. Men are much more relaxed and let what will be, be.
I appreciate the differences between us. My husband is much more relaxed, and I am much more cautious. He helps to calm me down, and I help to ground him. We support each other, and it’s those differences that work in our favor.
Even if he is from Mars.