Ah, to be a grown up…
Yesterday’s post is today’s old story.
If you happen to read my blog (the 40 or so of you who sneak a peak; the 3 of you who are actually followers) you read my post on my traumatic hair experience; I figured out that my deep rooted (no pun intended) feelings stem from a lack of putting myself first from time to time. A common mommy syndrome many of us face.
Something more well known than a lack of prioritizing myself? A lack of money.
My husband and I are trying to achieve something called “living debt free”. This is an unknown quality for many Americans. We’ve been taught to spend, and if we don’t have the money to spend, we use those magical little plastic coated things called “credit cards”.
We don’t want to use our credit cards. This is taking the high road, I know. In some ways, it feels limiting. Yet there’s something to be said for trying to pay off what you owe.
I had scheduled a new appointment with my hair salon after the snafu we experienced earlier that morning. (Check out yesterday’s post) I wanted to touch up my Ombre hair. I really like that term, “Ombre”. Anyway, later in the afternoon, I made the mistake of sitting down and paying bills. That’s when the realistic, mature side of Sara reared it’s ugly head.
Bills. Holiday pictures. Christmas. Not just Christmas presents, but Christmas, as a whole. Everything that goes along with it (mailing gifts, etc.) I have a lot of family out of state, and it gets costly. Food. Shopping. Etc. ETC. Too much overload for my brain, let alone my Ombre hair. I started to feel really badly about wanting to go and get primped, all in the name of vanity. There was so much more that the money could be used for. It’s not that we don’t have the money, but why am I using it for that, and at this time of year?
Was I being a martyr? Possibly. That didn’t stop me from dialing my salon, and cancelling the appointment.
When my husband found out, he was utterly confused. Why did I fight so hard to schedule a new appointment, only to cancel it later? Why did I raise such a stink, all for the love of holiday pictures, only to change my mind at the last second? This is where I could easily pull the female card; we change our minds like the wind blows through the tree limbs (it’s all limbs and no leaves out here; I’m in NE).
The truth of it really was that I felt plain old guilty.
Last night, I was remorseful. Did I have to cancel? I went through the five stages of grief:
DENIAL: I didn’t really cancel my appointment, did I?
ANGER: Look at my hair. It sucks. I hate it. I look like shit.
BARGAINING: Maybe I can call them back, and use a credit card, just this once.
DEPRESSION: I’m going to have Ombre hair for my pictures, and there’s nothing I can do about it now.
ACCEPTANCE: This came this morning. I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror, truly recognizing that it really is just hair, and it’s not a big deal. Life goes on.
No one cares. Why should I?