Sex… And The Married Woman… With Kids….

I have joined a fantastic group of ladies, who are involved in a weekly blog project. Every Thursday, we will dazzle you with our insight on various topics. And each week, we take turns coming up with the idea for the blog topic. Please check out their blogs as well, listed under my Blogroll section. Just click on:

Froggie (Tracey): An experiment in knitting, writing- and life

Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.

Mom Of Many (Susanna): One Mom’s perspective on life, raising kids, knitting and other unrelated topics.

This week, Tracey came up with a very interesting topic: Sexuality. Write about it in any angle you’d wish.

My first thought was a story a good friend of mine told me, when I was still pregnant with Nolan. She has two kids of her own, a year apart. She said she and her husband would go to bed late at night, after having to deal with a toddler and a newborn. She’d smack him on the chest and ask, “Hey, are we good?” And he’d say, “Sure, I’m really tired too.” And they’d both try to get as much sleep as possible before one (or both) children decided to wake up, due to a poopy butt, or out of hunger.

She told me this, and I mistakenly believed this wouldn’t happen to me.

“Mistakenly” is the key word in the above sentence.

It’s by no fault of mine, or my husband’s. I blame the kids. They suck the life out of you. And it’s the way nature intended.

Don’t believe me?

Many studies have been done on the significance between babies, and their mothers. A woman will find her sex drive has significantly dulled. Not only because of many late night feedings, lack of sleep, and the endless spits ups and being pooped or peed on (now, doesn’t that make YOU feel hot?), but because your hormone levels change incredibly. A mother’s job is to take care of her infant. If she wanted to have sex all the time, it would make that job near impossible.

Men are affected too. Maybe not hormonally (the verdict is still out on that), but they are also having to deal with lack of sleep, and the majority of the other issues a woman has to endure. And if his woman isn’t up for the task of a little bedroom action, he isn’t going to be in the mood, either.

Ben is 6. Nolan will be 11 months on the 20th. Unlike my friend, my two aren’t anywhere near close in age. That hasn’t stopped my two boys from sucking the life from me. They don’t choose to do that, but it’s my job to take care of them. It’s my job, and my responsibility. Which means I start the day fresh and determined, and by the time my husband comes home from work, I am weak and pitiful. I am so incredibly tired. The two boys are put to bed, and I am ready to be put to bed, and not in a sexual sense!

My husband completely understands. He watches both boys on weekends while I work, and I see the same vacant look, the same emptiness in his eyes when I walk through the door.

We both know it gets better. And truth be told, for having a baby not too long ago, I’d say we do pretty damn well  in that department. But we can do better, and with time, it will get better. Soon we will have more independence, and more leeway. It’s just waiting it out.

In the meantime, I think I’ll take a nap, since the baby is napping….

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One thought on “Sex… And The Married Woman… With Kids….”

  1. i know the feeling. it does get easier. sometimes it’s important to get a weekend away to recharge, so to speak. we went to vegas for a long weekend when e was 6 months old. we haven’t been able to do much like that since, but we hope to…someday.
    in any case, when i was pregnant with m (my son), i had no libido whatsoever. i felt bad for my husband who had to put up with all that. maybe m was trying to reserve all my energy so i could use it on chasing him when he turned 3. lol!

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