Where I’ve Been The Past 10 Years….

I have joined a fantastic group of ladies, who are involved in a weekly blog project. Every Thursday, we will dazzle you with our insight on various topics. And each week, we take turns coming up with the idea for the blog topic. Please check out their blogs as well, listed under my Blogroll section. Just click on:

Froggie (Tracey): An experiment in knitting, writing- and life

Merry Land Girl (Melissa): Tales of a suburban mom who likes to talk about pop culture, books, Judaism, family, friendship and anything else that comes to mind.

Mom Of Many (Susanna): One Mom’s perspective on life, raising kids, knitting and other unrelated topics.

Tracey chose a subject that fell right in line with a book I just finished reading: Have the past 10 years been what you expected them to be? Are you where you thought you’d be? What are some of the highlights of the last 10 years for you?

The last book I read on my Nook was What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. In the book, Alice falls off a stationary bike in spin class, and when she comes to, she discovers she’s lost the last 10 years of her life. I read this book in 3 days, if that tells you how good it was, and how hooked I was to it. And of course, it got me thinking. When I finished reading the book, I said to my husband, “What if that happened to me, and I lost the last 10 years of my life?” He responded: “Someone would tell you, “you are now married to Kevin Steven”, and you wouldn’t think that was half bad.”

In 2001, I had just moved out to Nebraska. I was newly married to my first husband. I had just finished working with Kevin in Arizona. The company I used to work for asked I come back to assist with a big Conference they have every year- and Kevin was the computer guy for this company. He and I had always had a little crush on each other, but nothing either of us would have trespassed into. I was married, so was he. We were merely friends. I was happily married at that time.

My husband and I lived in base housing. I remember how excited we were to get into base housing. Neither of us saw dilapidated homes; we saw a beginning. We hugged each other when we walked through our split level duplex. At 21 and 22 years of age, we were naive . Neither of us knew or understood how much work a marriage was going to be. He wanted to stay young; I felt like I needed to settle down and be a wife because I had preconceived notions of the way a union was meant to be.

I’d make dinner and have it ready for him when he got home. Sometimes I made strange meals, like rice with spaghetti sauce. I called it crazy rice or something along those lines. It was always incredibly hot, and he would laugh and say that only I could eat something so nuclear. The rest of the human race would have to wait for food to cool down. He drove a red Jeep Wrangler with a lift kit on it. I want to say it was a 3 inch lift. He had a magnet on the Jeep’s frame above his head with a picture of a clown that said, “Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?” It always made him laugh when he climbed into the Jeep.

I wasn’t a mother. I wanted kids, but it hadn’t happened yet. He and I tried for a few months, but I never once ovulated during that time. It was as though my body stopped functioning. I look back at that now in wonderment. It was as though it was meant to be, because in all reality, he and I were never meant for children together.

I moved out the following year, for various reasons that were justifiable. It was the hardest time in my life. The rug had been pulled from under me. A good friend of mine held my face in her hands one day and said, “Who could do something like this to you?” I had lost a lot of weight. My face was hot with several pimples and blemishes. It was the stress and the pain that caused this. I had fantastic friends who I was employed with, and they saw me through that time. Some would adopt me when I needed a shoulder to lean on. Others would have me over for dinner. It’s the little things that get you through.

2001 was a jumble of pleasure and pain, all mixed into one year. Thank God for that year. No one believes me when I say that, but it’s so true. 2002 I partied and let loose and dated a lot, and lived life to the fullest. 2003 is the year my friends and I never talk about, due to too many bad memories and events. I re-married in 2004, and I became a mother in 2005. Holding my son Benjamin in my arms was the most beautiful experience. He laid in my arms with eyes wide open, surveying the scene. I will forever have that memory. My 2nd husband and I divorced in 2008. He and I both had our varied reasons. I don’t regret our time together. I think we both learned so much from that marriage, and a lot about ourselves. Plus, without that marriage, Ben wouldn’t be here.

If not for my first husband, I would have never met Kevin. Life happens for a reason, even when you can’t see it at the time. We were married in 2009, and our son Nolan was born last year. I call Nolan “sweet boy”. He gives kisses and buries his head into your shoulder when you hold him, and can be quite shy around people. I never thought I could love another like I love my Ben, but Nolan completes me in a way I could have never imagined.

Of course, there are things I would have liked to accomplish in the past 10 years. In 2001, I was destined to become a best selling author. Now, I get by with my blog. I still have stories just waiting to be completed, and maybe someday….

In 2001, I would have never stepped foot into a gym, let alone hop onto a treadmill. Now I am training for the Omaha marathon, and have run  a half marathon so far. That’s something I could have never foreseen in my life.

My first husband is now happily married to a beautiful, intelligent woman who I admire and call a close friend. They have two children together. It’s through time and healing that he and I are still able to be OK with each other. Same goes for my 2nd husband. We do the best we can as parents to Ben.

So where will the next 10 years take me? I’m not entirely sure.

I know I don’t ever regret where I am, or where I’ve come from.

Me in 2001, with Tucker


Me in 2011

One thought on “Where I’ve Been The Past 10 Years….”

  1. So funny that we based our posts off the same book. Sounds like quite a whirlwind 10 years. I’m glad you are with Kevin now or I never would have met you. 🙂 You totally complete him. I can see that. I’m happy for you both!

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